This blog is all about loving your “mental flaws” (I have quoted “mental flaws” as they shouldn’t really be flaws in the first place), it is about learning to love yourself, not in an aesthetic sense, but about learning to love your inner thought flaws, your brain flaws, your emotional flaws. We have, one brain, it is unique, and it is our own.
Intuitively, learning to love your flaws, feels like a pretty tough task, but not really, it just takes time. We cannot control our brain, we cannot control our thoughts, and it can be hard sometimes to control our emotions and reactions, but, we can train our brain, learn to manage our thoughts, and learn to show our brain some love.
I spent many years pointing out my flaws to myself, and negatively putting them down. I doubted myself, felt guilty for overthinking, worried about things I’d said,
and considered my anxiety as bad, as negative, as a flaw, as being weird and not good; which all together became exhausting, energy-draining, and absorbed all of my free spirit leaving me feeling like a bit of a dull empty shell. To explain, I have periods of being highly strung, I have periods of heightened anxiety and I can have moments of feeling really down & overthink, and then I can have a long run of being balanced and happy. Due to the up & down nature of my emotions, I felt shame, I felt embarrassed & I felt guilty for being that way, but it just made me feel worse.
Sounds pretty f*cking bleak, right? Well, it is, but why? Why should we doubt ourselves and shame ourselves for what we “consider” are our flaws? Why can’t we celebrate our flaws and make them positive?
So I did just that. I taught myself to make light out of a shit situation rather than making it, well, shitter. I started journaling and making jokes of how my mind could spiral, giggling at my wonderfully weird personality and thoughts. Taking the attitude that if people didn’t like me being too caring, overthinking, over worrying, being weird & wonderful (as I like to say), then, they weren’t the right people for me.
So let’s talk through what can be considered mental flaws, well in my opinion anyway;
Panicking when you’ve done something wrong. We can panic so easily over something we’ve said, which has perhaps been taken the wrong way, perhaps we’ve done the wrong thing or our actions have hurt someone, resulting in endless self-devouring of guilt. When reality is, we all fuck up, we all put our foot in it sometimes, but we shouldn’t continuously beat ourselves up as you will just feel drained all the time. Apologise, right your wrong, let go & move on.
Embarrassment, perhaps you’ve walked out the house with your skirt tucked in your pants, or you’ve been out on a date and snorted, stepped in dog poop whilst out walking, anything. Embarrassment can sit with you for a long time, but again why should it? I’ve come to the point where I don’t actually give a flying f*ck about being embarrassed anymore. We all have these moments, so surely it’s better to laugh them off, than shame ourselves and feel awful? Better to bring light out of a shit situation right?
Gossiping. Ok, this is a difficult & controversial one. Gossiping isn’t the best thing, and it can be quite unkind, but the reality is, most people gossip without even noticing it. So if you’ve had a little gossip here and there but you aren’t actually being malicious nor hurting someone, then give yourself a break. It’s not the end of the world. If you have however been malicious or used it as a tool to be mean to others, then perhaps take a step back and think how you would feel if it was done to you? Then again, make the right wrong, apologise, and then move on. Don’t hold on to feeling bad, just be mindful moving forward.
Being selfish. Again another controversial topic. I think there is nothing wrong sometimes with being a little bit selfish, and by that, I don’t mean being an arsehole to someone for your own benefit and not helping others in need, I mean in the sense of looking after your own needs and mental health. For example, we can feel pressured to go out & socialise sometimes, when all we really want to do is kick back in our pjs with our family, or our dog! That’s ok, do it. Do what makes you happy over others sometimes. There is nothing wrong with being selfless and kind, but there is also room for being a little bit selfish in life for the benefit of your own health, both physically and mentally.
Jealousy. Yup, the green-eyed monster, it happens to the best of us, and is completely normal. I only really experience jealousy in relationships and have at times been jealous of friends who are married with children, but in my experience, that jealousy is just bringing out the true desires of what I really want, and being jealous in a relationship, well, is pretty normal as it’s in our nature. If you feel jealousy then try to accept it and move forward, acting on it isn’t always the best; trust me I’ve had my moments which have been huge lessons learnt! Instead of acting on it, always wanting what you can’t or don’t yet have, why not try and be content and happy with what you already have, and be happy for those that you are jealous of? Flip your thoughts, rather than feel bad about them. I guarantee there will be someone out there who will be jealous of you too. So don’t feel bad about being jealous, remember, it’s about training the “mental flaws” and loving them instead.
Bitterness. I think everyone in their lifetime has experienced some form of bitterness and we would be lying if we said we hadn’t. I have learnt though, that bitterness just makes you feel worse. It absorbs your entire being with hatred and coldness. What’s the point? Why make yourself feel worse? If this is you, try to let go and forgive. Bitterness is not a flaw, none of the emotions in this blog are a flaw, but it is how you deal with them & how you train them which are the positives and the celebration. Instead, why not feel happy for others, or if you can’t, just be numb, at least then it will stop affecting you and dragging you down.
Crying over anything & everything. This one may reach the women slightly more than the men given we have to ride the hormonal dragon. Have you ever burst into tears, at the most ridiculous thing? Sweating the small stuff, and crying floods over something that really isn’t that bad? Trust me, I have (hand raise emoji needs to come in right now!). I have cried over uncooked chicken before, last night I burnt my hand and had a full sobbing meltdown, I have sobbed at finding nemo before – and do you know what, I have no shame. Nope. I had my cry, then I had a giggle over how ridiculous the situation was, and then cracked on. Yes I sound like a mentalist, but again zero f*cks given, and you should do the same. Crying at the small things might be your brain telling you you’re well overdue a cry, so it’s going to make you cry at the most inappropriate ridiculous time, so ride out the tear train and feel the weight shift after. It’s ok to be emotional you know!
Being a sloth. By this I mean having a duvet day, having a down day, having a day where you just feel like utter shite, having a day of pure filth eating everything in sight, not showering and just lounging around like a sloth all day. I’m sorry, but everyone is entitled to a sloth day or two, we shouldn’t be made to feel that we have to be happy and smiley all the time. So don’t feel bad, don’t feel this is a flaw, try to think of this as a day of gratitude to your body & mind. Life is so fast-paced that sometimes your body is just telling you to stop and slow down, so SLOW DOWN, BE A SLOTH!
Suffering from anxiety or depression. Questioning, why me? Why won’t it stop, doubting yourself and worrying about what other people think of you for having a mental health problem? Thinking it’s a flaw and a bad thing. Well, the first thing I would say is, stop! Mental health challenges are difficult but they are not flaws, they are not a bad thing and they certainly don’t make you anything negative. Secondly, if people around you love you, they would NEVER think differently of you because of your mental health, they will support you. So please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, try to feel unique and special. If you are around people who make you feel anything but support and love, then perhaps you need to take a rethink about who you should be spending time with?
Overthinking & caring too much. So this one is a biggy for me that’s why I’ve left it until last. I’m a worrier, sometimes so much so that I apologise for worrying & caring too much, as I think it’s annoying. Then I eventually thought, that is just ridiculous, I should never have to apologise or feel bad for caring too much, right?! I took a step back a while ago, and thought to myself, why do I consider this my flaw, why do I doubt myself for being this way, and then I had a lightbulb moment; it was down to past voices telling me that it wasn’t ok. That I was annoying for overthinking, annoying because I asked if someone was OK too much. Doesn’t that instinctively feel wrong though, surely being too nice shouldn’t be a flaw? Perhaps the problem isn’t overthinking, caring, worrying too much or being too nice, but perhaps it is how it is perceived? Perhaps what needs to change is how we react to others opinions, rather than automatically thinking we are the problem? If anyone ever tells you you’re too caring, or you’re too nice, well I’m sorry but that is bulltshit and is their problem, and I believe is a reflection of their own insecurities and selfishness. Kindness will always win, you can never ever be too nice, and you can never ever care too much. So if you’re in my position, please continue to be as you are and NEVER apologise again. If someone is saying you’re annoying for caring too much, then simply walk away from that one individual and use your kindness elsewhere. Simple!
Ultimately, we are our own being and can only try to control our own behaviours, thoughts & reactions, what we cannot control are others thoughts and how we are perceived by others. So stop wasting your time worrying about what people think of you, eating yourself up with guilt about something you have done before, or something you have thought or said, the past is the past for a reason, it cannot be changed, so continuously worrying and giving yourself a hard time will only make you feel like that big empty lifeless shell again! It is ok to have flaws, it is ok to be emotional, it is ok to be sad sometimes. We are entitled to have flaws, we are entitled to be sad, we are entitled to cry, we are entitled to be down, we are entitled to be selfish, we are entitled to be happy; in whichever way we choose.
So I’m going to end my blog with the same quote I’ve placed in my other blogs, which is, be unapologetically raw. Be you, be kind, don’t apologise for being your flawsome self, just be you, that is good enough.